Counseling and EMDR Therapy
with Athena
HEALTH AND CONNECTION WITH COMMUNICATION
Learn communication skills that bring you out of conflict, power-struggles, codependency, resentment, insecurities, depression, disconnection and confusion, and into more confidence, clarity and connection.
"At the root of every conflict and power struggle are unmet needs."
Marshall Rosenberg
SECURE RELATING: COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Responsibility and Empowerment
Words are powerful. Words have the power to connect or divide us, cause confusion or clarity, start wars or end them.
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Words have the power to, in one moment, cause hurt and pain that will never be forgotten.
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On the other hand, words can create respect, appreciation, purpose, inspiration, love, safety and belonging... feelings of connection that us humans need... needs even money cannot buy.
Words: Connection or Disconnection
With communication skills, you become more empowered to get more of what you need and want in life, and less of what you don't want.
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More respect, affection, support, opportunity, connection and worthiness (Self-Worth)
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Feelings of emotional and mental well-being due to the neurochemicals and hormones involved
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Increased physical health due to less chronic stress
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More fulfilling, secure, enjoyable relationships
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More fulfillment in life overall
"If you are in conflict or relational distress you are in the Drama Triangle."
Julia Colwell, PhD
DREADED DRAMA TRIANGLE / CODEPENDENCY / ABUSE CYCLE
In order to understand communication, it is important to understand dysfunctional communication, its causes and effects. Along with how it relates to being 100% Personally Responsible (not over 100% nor under 100%) for our own emotions, wants, needs, needed limits, behaviors and words.
DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATING
The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT), also known as the Codependency (Enmeshment) Triangle, Conflict Triangle and Abuse Cycle, provides an illustration of maladaptive ways of relating, including maladaptive 'getting' and 'protecting' behaviors.
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Rather than just 'drama' it can result in severe distress and relational trauma with our loved-ones, friendships, coworkers, even strangers and our sense of self in the world, as it makes feelings of genuine connection and respect, and even our sense of feeling self-worth, impossible.
There are three roles:
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Rescuer/Hero
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Villain/Critic
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Victim/Hurt (once in the DDT, everyone inevitably ends up truly hurting due to not clearly communicating genuine connection needs and wants with 'I statements', including not feeling valued or appreciated).
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Cause and effect of Codependency, Narcissistic/Codependency Dynamics, Borderline Personality Disorder (Disorganized Attachment Style) Dynamic, Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Style, etc.
WATCH VIDEOS
"If you play any of the Drama Triangle roles you will end up feeling hopeless and helpless."
Tyler Rich LMFT
DREADED DRAMA / CODEPENDENCY TRIANGLE EXAMPLE
CODEPENDENT AND CONFLICT
DRAMA TRIANGLE AND POWER-STRUGGLE
OVER-RESPONSIBLE AND UNDER-RESPONSIBLE
INTERDEPENDENT AND RESPECTFUL
100% PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
NOT MORE THAN 100% OR LESS THAN 100%
Short Term Arguments
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Conflict starts with one person playing out one of the roles (for example, Hero giving unsolicited advice, Critic giving unsolicited criticism, or Victim complaining or blaming instead of communicating wants and needs with 'I statements').
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Without awareness, the other person jumps into a role and conflict begins.
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Only one person can occupy a role at a time.
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We swap roles, looping into conflict trying to 'win our case' defending or explaining how hurt or harmless (Victim), good or helpful (Hero), or right (Critic) we are.
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Everyone inevitably ends up in the Hurt/Victim role.
"Anytime we take less than 100% personal responsibility for our own emotions, beliefs, assumptions, words and behaviors, we are in the Victim [Hurt] position."
Julia Colwell, PhD
Long Term Patterns
CAUSE AND EFFECT OF UNFULFILLING RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
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The DDT is the cause and effect of unhealthy relational dynamics such as codependency, conflict, controlling behaviors, people-pleasing, angry outbursts, resentment, etc.
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Without awareness, we get stuck in the Triangle for years, repeating, only to feel unloved and resentful
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We also feel unappreciated and hurt instead of feeling seen, heard and valued for who we are
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Results in work, family and relationship dysfunction, resentment, codependency and addiction patterns
"You don't have to be in conflict to be in the Triangle. A lot of us live in the Triangle subconsciously. This isn't because we like to be victims, rescuers or critics. It's the way we learned to stay in contact with others. If you didn't learn secure relating skills, you might think the only way to keep people close is to use [maladaptive] ways of trying to get your needs met without telling the truth about your needs and wants."
Heidi Priebe
STAYING OUT OF THE TRIANGLE
Clear, Confident Communication
INVOLVES 100% PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
Not Over 100% (Hero or Villain) or Under 100% (Victim)
ENSURE YOU TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY (POWER) TO
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Feel and process your own emotions (our emotions tell us our wants, needs, and needed boundaries) instead of blaming
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Know your own needs, wants, limits and expectations
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Provide your own boundaries in terms of sharing or not sharing
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Communicate your own needs, wants, limits and expectations
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Ask others what they need or want, instead of...
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Making assumptions or excuses for them
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Giving them unsolicited criticism or advice
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Telling them what they should do, etc.
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Making them explain or asking them "Why ____, etc."
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GIVE OTHER ADULTS 100% RESPONSIBILITY (POWER) TO
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Feel and process their own emotions
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Know their own needs, wants, limits and expectations
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Provide their own boundaries in terms of sharing or not sharing
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Communicate their own needs, wants, limits and expectations
This sounds simple, right? As simple as it is, it requires a complex set of social-emotional and communication skills that most of us don't have! This includes speaking your Unarguable Truth (genuine wants and needs with "I statements"). See Communication Tool worksheets below.
"With secure relating skills, needs, preferences and requests are stated explicitly. Whereas in the Triangle there's this eternal game of trying to get your needs met without explicitly stating what your needs and wants are."
Heidi Priebe
The Three Roles
Without awareness, we can end up in any of the three roles. However, we tend to have a 'default role' that we jump into or stay stuck in that stems from our own childhood Core Roles (see worksheet below) and ways we were taught to 'get' love and feelings of worthiness or 'protect' ourselves from punishment or feelings of rejection.
Hero / Rescuer / Caretaker
Over 100% Responsible
NEEDS TO FEEL 'GOOD' AND HELPFUL
The More Self-Worth is Subconsciously Tied to This, The More Impact on Behaviors and Personality
Fear feeling guilt/bad/shame or 'not needed'
WE ALL NEED TO FEEL SEEN, HEARD AND VALUED
SOUNDS LIKE
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Unsolicited advice/help
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Let me help you.
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I'm sorry you _________
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You poor thing.
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You need to tell me what you're thinking/feeling.
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Tend to sound parental (caretaking)
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Apologizing for things that are not directly your fault
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Over-responsible, resentful, exhausted, anxious, burdened or parental
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Hypervigilant, mind-reading instead of taking others words at face value
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Assuming you know others needs and wants (or what's best for them) instead of asking
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Quickly slips into the Villain/Critic Role as unsolicited advice/help is similar to unsolicited criticism/opinions
Rescuing is an addiction that
comes from an unconscious need
to feel valued. After all, society
always celebrates the Savior!
Merja Sumilof, PhD
Villain / Critic / Persecuter
Over 100% Responsible
NEEDS TO FEEL 'RIGHT' AND POWERFUL
The More Self-Worth is Subconsciously Tied to This, the More Impact on Behaviors and Personality
Fear feeling 'disrespected' or 'not valued'
WE ALL NEED TO FEEL SEEN, HEARD AND VALUED
SOUNDS LIKE
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Unsolicited criticism/opinions
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You should/shouldn't _______
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You're wrong about _______
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You _______ (opinion about you)
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Why do/are you _______
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Tend to sound stern, aggressive, abusive or parental (critical)
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Telling others right from wrong
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Mandating your values, beliefs, perceptions and morals on others
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Bossy, critical, controlling, nitpicky, distrusting or opinionated
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Assuming you know others needs and wants (or what's right) instead of asking
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Typically well-intentioned and likely feels they are in the 'Hero Role' without realizing that they've slipped into Villain
Blame has an inverse relationship with responsibility. Responsibility by definition is a vulnerable process. Blaming is one of the reasons we miss opportunities for connection [feeling heard and valued]."
Brene Brown, PhD
Victim / Hurt / Helpless
Under 100% Responsible
NEEDS TO FEEL BLAMELESS
(TRULY FEELS HURT, HELPLESS OR DEFENSIVE)
The More 'Avoiding Feeling Blamed/Bad' is Tied to Self-Worth, the More Impact on Behaviors and Personality
Fear feeling blamed or 'bad ___'
(feeling like a bad partner, person, parent, etc.)
SOUNDS LIKE
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You make me feel _________
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You do/don't _________
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They/It made me ________
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JADE-ing (justifying, arguing, defending, explaining)
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Complaining (rather than communicating wants and needs)
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Blaming/Scapegoating anything or anyone (people, politics, weather, substances, habits, addictions, ADHD, anxiety, bad luck, etc.)
Moving out of blame-or-explain and into responsibility is a monumental shift out of struggle and into possibility. A powerful antidote to the depression and bitterness that result from feeling powerless, a victim of others or circumstances.
Julia Colwell, PhD
"Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them."
Ben Elton
Stuck in the DDT Long Term Victim/Hurt
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Once in the DDT, everyone inevitably ends up in the Hurt/Victim role due to not getting connection needs and wants met (including not feeling valued or appreciated)
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Stems from REAL HURT that you are currently experiencing... and likely reexperiencing over and over since childhood (complex-PTSD) due to not having emotional health skills or communication skills
LIKE ANY 'POWER-UNDER POSITION' WE DIDN'T CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE, WE HUMANS RETALIATE TO FEELING POWERLESS AND HELPLESS WITH SUBCONSCIOUS
MALADAPTIVE CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS AND STRESS REACTIONS (FIGHT/FLIGHT/FREEZE/FAWN) SUCH AS
In adulthood you can follow all the rules, be helpful (Hero), have the right answers (Critic) and explain how harmless, helpless or hurt (Victim) you are, but these roles won't get you the connection, love, respect, sense of belonging and appreciation you crave and need.
LEADS TO DIAGNOSABLE CONDITIONS SUCH AS DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, PERSONALITY DISORDERS AND MORE
Due to the disconnect it creates long-term (rather than creating the connection us humans need) it can eventually result in low self-worth, loneliness and diagnosable conditions such as depression and anxiety disorders.
It also results in codependency and personality disorders, such as...
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"Classic" codependents stay stuck in the DDT in all three roles: Rescuer (caring parental type role) and Villian (critical/controlling parental type role) only to feel Hurt / Victimized by being over-responsible and sadly not valued)
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Typically both partners exhibit these patterns in a "codependent relationship"
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When extreme, can exhibit Borderline Personality Disorder traits and be diagnosed as such, which is treatable and resolvable with Secure Relating Skills and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)
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"Narcissistic tendency type" codependents stay stuck in Villain and Victim roles, splitting back and forth
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Harder to treat than Classic codependency
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This is not the same as Narcissistic Personality Disorder
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Diagnosable Narcissistic Personality Disorder is rare, and is identifiable by having no capacity to function outside of the DDT even with therapy, psychoeducation and self-reflection work
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Substance-use dependency to numb the real pain (lack of oxytocin and high levels of stress chemicals like cortisol are painful!) resulting from not feeling truly connected with (seen, heard and valued) no matter how 'good,' 'right' or 'blameless' you are trying to be
Have compassion for yourself as you learn to stay out of the 'hurt' 'critic' or 'rescuer' roles, while learning boundaries skills and communication tools to help ensure you are able to get your connection needs met so you no longer feel powerless, hurt or disrespected or feel stuck in Learned Helplessness.
A false belief that wrecks havoc on our self-worth and confidence is the idea that we can somehow control how others view us. In truth, no matter how good-looking, nice, put-together, or smart we are, how others view us is 100% in their realm of perception and control.
MALADAPTIVE WAYS OF 'GETTING' AND 'PROTECTING'
Why do we get into the Triangle if we inevitably get hurt, angry or in conflict?
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Simply put, to 'GET' a few seconds of feeling connection instead of feeling abandoned or alone
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And/or to 'PROTECT' from feeling painful emotions (stress chemicals) associated with the perceived threat of disconnection or lack of control.
MALADAPTIVE 'PROTECTING' STRATEGIES
Connection is a need. If our mind detects disconnection or if we feel like we are not seen, heard, valued or respected - our nervous system fires off survival stress-chemicals and emotions like loneliness, worthlessness, shame, guilt, anxiety, inner criticism, etc.
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To avoid this, our unconscious mind believes, "I will have 'control' and won't feel alone or abandoned in the Triangle trying to be Right, Helpful, Harmless or Helpless!"
"Deciding you want responsibility for your feelings is one of the biggest changes you can make in your life. It means letting go of the fantasy that someone will do it for us."
Margaret Paul, PhD
CORE ROLES CAN BE ADAPTIVE AND WORK IN CHILDHOOD
In childhood we 'get' praise, reward, connection, a sense of Self-Worth and Sense of Purpose, and attention (and avoid punishment) by playing out one of the three main roles in various ways.
CORE ROLES CAN TURN INTO MALADAPTIVE IN ADULTHOOD
In adulthood, you can follow all the rules, be helpful (Hero), have the right answers (Critic), and explain how harmless or hurt (Victim) you are, but these roles likely won't get you the love, respect, value, sense of purpose and belonging, and appreciation you crave and intrinsically need.
Three Roles and Core Roles from Childhood
CORE ROLES CAN BE ADAPTIVE AND WORK IN CHILDHOOD
Remember, Core Roles help support a sense of consistent belonging and safety in childhood.
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“If I’m a good helper, I make mom happy” or “If I’m quiet and compliant, my teacher won’t get mad at me" or "If I hide or avoid telling the truth, I won't get in trouble from dad."
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In childhood we 'get' praise, reward, connection, a sense of Self-Worth and Sense of Purpose, and attention (and avoid punishment) by playing out one of the three main roles in various ways.
Without awareness these Core Roles cause havoc in our lives.
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Core Roles are shame-based.
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Shame is the most painful emotion (it is anxiety, depression and feeling "bad" or "rejectable" combined)
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Deviating from our Core Roles trigger painful shame, inner criticism and even emotional flashback (complex-PTSD).
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Thus, Core Roles keep us stuck in maladaptive behavioral patterns, obsessions, addictions, reactions, and Triangle cycles
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Subconsciously stuck in Core Roles make it difficult, if not impossible, to make safe, self-caring choices' receive love; trust those that are trustworthy; and connect with our own genuine feelings, values, wants, needs and needed limits (boundaires).
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Also, when we do ‘give’ to others, we may not feel the joy in it as we are doing it out of the subconscious ‘expected role’
With awareness of Core Roles we can heal and live more connected, fulfilling lives.
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Awareness is essential to break-free from roles and beliefs that block you from your authentic Self (genuine values, real desires, interests, emotions, wants, dislikes, needs, goals, etc.)
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Feelings of extreme shame binds us to these roles, so breaking-free feels ‘bad’ at first, triggering shame, doubts and fear, but with time you’ll experience more clarity, self-leadership and self-trust
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Learn how to leverage and ‘enlighten’ the gifts each role (Part) brings.
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Learn Boundaries Skills and Secure Relating Skills instead of defaulting to Core Roles to maladaptively avoid feeling shame.
Examples of Core Roles
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Hero: Parental Child
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Responsible for running a household or caring for younger siblings and/or under-functioning parents (loving, well-intentioned parents can go through difficulties, illnesses, heartbreak, and other stressors). Acutely aware of others’ wants and needs, instead of their own.
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Hero: Peacemaker
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Responsible for keeping the peace as an intermediary, a go-between, and a mediator to prevent or pacify other family members’ conflict, irritability, anger or other emotions. Felt responsible for others’ emotions and well-being (emotional enmeshment).
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Villian: Rebel / Black Sheep
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Defiant, uncooperative, or rule breaker. Finds own sense of "Righteousness." Won’t clean her room, won’t do her homework, skip school, be promiscuous, drive too fast, etc., or even self-harm. Sacrifices own happiness in order to take the heat off the parents’ troubled lives by essentially "overriding" own feelings of feeling like a burden, feeling "less than" or "power under" (powerlessness and victimized), by taking "power-over" and rebelling against this pain.
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Hurt / Victim: Dependent Child
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Held in an extended or exaggerated child-like position, over-protected, enabled or taught to feel helpless/powerless. May occur due to parents’ guilt over circumstances (working overtime, divorce, or over-adaptation to their own difficult or emotional neglected childhood).
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LEARN MORE WITH CORE ROLES WORKSHEET
"You can’t escape from a prison until you recognize you’re in one. People who live within the limits of their old beliefs and roles continue to have the same experiences. It takes effort and commitment to break old patterns."
Bob Proctor
MALADAPTIVE STRATEGIES IN ADULTHOOD
It is the unawareness of our core roles that causes havoc. Core roles and the associated maladaptive 'getting' and 'protecting' behaviors in adulthood tend to result into feeling worse, anxious, alone, disrespected, unloved and even stuck in the depression of powerlessness.
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We can end up railing against ourselves with Inner Criticism, blaming ourselves, without knowing how to simply communicate what we want and need
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We may rail against others with Outer Criticism, resentment and outbursts... jumping into and falling into the Triangle over and over.
"Connection is a child's deepest need and a parent's highest influence. When we support children through processing ALL their difficult feelings instead of avoiding them, they learn that feelings are natural and always changing. They learn to accept themselves as human and how to make it through imperfections and hard times in a natural way."
Lelia Schott
LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
STUCK IN LEARNED HELPLESSNESS OR VICTIM MENTALITY AS A MALADAPTIVE PROTECTIVE STRATEGY
Learned Helplessness (also known as victim mentality) is an acquired personality trait that MANY have nowadays and can be traced back to childhood as a survival mechanism to get connection and attention.
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This is not your fault. This is a learned behavior.
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It can serve you well in childhood to avoid feeling painful shame/self-blame (responsibility).
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In adulthood, however this turns maladaptive and renders you powerless and 'helpless' over your own emotional processing, behaviors and actions (including addictions and feeling powerless).
Stuck in Learned Helplessness also renders us powerless over our ability to communicate to ensure we get our personal connection needs met. Resolve this by learning to understand what you are truly needing and wanting in each moment and in life overall, from yourself, and from others in terms of loving action. The Five Love Languages provide guidance on ways to understand what you need from others in terms of loving action (see below).
"The illusion that everything will just turn out magically without having to communicate wants and needs in a relationship is an immaturity that will make true connection impossible."
Robert Lucas
COMMUNICATING OUR GENUINE NEEDS AND WANTS
Love is a Verb!
THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES PROVIDE GOOD EXAMPLES OF WHAT WE NEED AND WANT TO FEEL SEEN, HEARD AND VALUED
Remember love is a VERB (something you can see, heard or feel with your skin. Giving unsolicited advice/criticism or sharing how hurt or disappointed you are, are not love languages.
"If you want a better relationship, you will need to give up making a project out of changing the relationship or your partner and instead make a project out of expressing your own wants and needs."
Jenny Brown, PhD
HOW TO STAY OUT OF THE TRIANGLE
Shift Your Role from Drama to Empowerment
UNSOLICITED vs SOLICITED
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If you are giving unsolicited advice or criticism, you are in the DDT.
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Although a fine line, asking if your opinions, advice, complaints and criticism are wanted before giving them makes all the difference!
COMMUNICATING WHAT YOU WANT vs WHAT YOU DON'T WANT
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"I'd like __" or "I want __" instead of complaining about what you don't want.
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This communication shifts you into living an empowered life and opens up opportunities for others to truly know you, value you, give to you and support you.
APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS THAT ARE DIRECTLY YOUR FAULT
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If you made a mistake, own it, clearly state what you are sorry for and, if needed, ask if there is anything you can do to repair trust or damage.
Suddenly the failure of my previous relationship became clear to me. I gave love but resisted receiving it. It was easy to buy gifts, compliment him or give focused attention, but when he gave it to me, I didn’t know how to respond.
Ashal Rose, The Art of Receiving Love
HOW TO STAY OUT OF THE TRIANGLE
R. A. I. N. METHOD
RECOGNIZE YOU'RE IN THE DRAMA TRIANGLE
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Your words feel or sound defensive, triggered, anxious, angry, reactive
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Your words feel or sound like unsolicited advice or criticism
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Your words start with "You should/always/never... "
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Your words feel or sound like assumptions or placating
ALLOW OTHERS TO BE IN THE DRAMA TRIANGLE ALONE
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Allow others to spin around the Triangle alone, rather than jumping in to give unsolicited advice, criticism, blame, complain, defend or explain
INTENT TO LEARN (CURIOUS LISTENING TOOL))
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Curiously listen and ask questions with the Intent to Learn, instead of the Intent to Protect/Defend
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Curious Listening (see communication tool worksheet below) automatically removes you from the Triangle
NEEDS AND WANTS (UNARGUABLE TRUTH TOOL)
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Decide if you have needs or wants
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Clearly communicate your wants and needs, as needed, instead of complaining or criticizing about what you don't want (see communication tool worksheet below)
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Ask others what they want or need, instead of 'fixing' or 'shoulding'
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With big issues or emotions, use Emergency Evacuation Plan first to calm down. Take time to journal, talk with friends, use Emotional Health Skills to decipher your genuine needs, wants and boundaries so you may take corrective action and/or clearly communicate your Unarguable Truth.
"What seems nonadapative and self-harming in the present was, at some point in our lives, an adaptation to help us endure what we then had to go through."
Gabor Mate, MD
HOW TO STAY OUT OF THE TRIANGLE
Communication Power Tools
DEFENDING AND BEING RIGHT VS LISTENING AND RESPECTING
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We are raised to think critically, to defend and articulate concepts and have the 'right' answer or 'advice'! This works at school, work and many areas of life, but it does not create 'connection' so it does not work well in relationships with family, friends and loved ones, as it leads to 'disconnection' arguments and power-struggles by pulling you into the Drama Triangle and defensiveness.
"As a child you had messages from family and school to keep your mouth shut and remain invisible. You no longer need to be invisible. If people don't notice you, they can't shame or criticize you, but they also can't love you or attend to your needs. Make yourself and your needs known."
Beverly Engle PhD"
COMMUNICATION POWER TOOLS
Communication for Healthy Connection and Confidence
These empowering skills provide ways to stay out of the Triangle, while providing opportunities for others to join you outside of the Codependency / Drama Triangle, in fulfilling connection, and communicate in a balanced, assertive, respectful, respectable, forthright manner.
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Curious Listening
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Unarguable Truth / Boundary Statements
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Understand How, Not Why
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Respect at Face Value / Don't Take the Bait
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Repair with Apology Languages
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Emergency Evacuation Plan for Triggers
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Also View Webpages to Learn Emotional Health Skills, Self-Care Skills and Boundaries
"Anger is a signal that we are getting what we don't want or not getting what we do want. It is our personal responsibility to know this and take time to understand what we want."
Julia Colwell, PhD
MORE VIDEOS
"It turns out that we literally don't empathize unless we're physically present - that the oxytocin
the 'tend and befriend' hormone is not produced unless we're present with all five senses."
Gloria Steinem
CONNECTING COMMUNICATION
TAKING 100% PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY (POWER) NOT OVER OR UNDER
BENEFITS OF STAYING OUT OF THE TRIANGLE
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Feel the self-connection and self-trust that comes with understanding and processing your own emotions, including anger, instead of blaming them on others (which renders you powerless and potentially stuck in victim consciousness and depression)
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Connect with your genuine likes, dislikes, needs, wants, and needed limits (boundaries) in each moment
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Understand how to communicate your needs, wants and limits
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Ability to listen without doing anything to change, criticize or control others' experience
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Provide others with the time and space to process emotions and allow them empowering responsibility for themselves (which is respectful)
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Provide yourself with the time and space to process emotions and experience empowering responsibility for yourself (self-respect)
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Gain empowerment over your connection needs rather than feeling stuck in disempowerment and pathological depression
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Feel present, empowered, self-aware and self-connected
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Feel a sense of openness and vulnerability with those that are trustworthy
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Feel confident, lovable, and clearly aligned with your values
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Enjoy a sense of ease, trust, love and respect with yourself
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Enjoy a sense of ease, trust, love, respect, and playfulness within relationship
It also requires coming to terms with the truth, that WE HAVE 0% CONTROL/POWER OVER OTHER ADULTS. At first, this can feel panic-inducing with insurmountable grief and hopelessness, as you mourn (heal) the false beliefs and maladaptive controlling beliefs you've likely been clinging to since childhood. Remember, these beliefs and maladaptive 'getting' and 'protecting' behaviors provided you with a sense of safety, belonging and... the big one... a sense of Self-Worth (worthiness to exist).
IMPORTANT: If you are a victim of trauma, betrayal or heartbreak, part of your healing work is awareness and to validate and 'sit with' your hurt with Self-Compassion and healing. This allows you to gently guide yourself through hurt and out of the 'hurt' 'critic' or 'rescuer' role to remain out of the Triangle as best you can. Take full empowering responsibility for healing your "Inner Hurt" by understanding what you're truly needing and wanting in life and what you want from others in terms of support, loving action, help, and more. You may find you need trauma therapy such as EMDR Therapy and Mindful Self-Compassion methods to heal from complex-PTSD and other forms of trauma.